Lotus Colony

I drive around looking for Lotus Colony, something I was told existed well I thought it was just another one of those, yeah beautiful Shanghari La … but then I believe that person., must be a lotus eater I gift myself a smile and rumble.

That's where I found my true self. He says let me show you this city to you. I laugh, "Are you serious! You are going to show me my city?"
"... Somewhere I have lived for 25 years?" He gently nudges me and tells “You know this hydra headed city of yours, you know all problem lurking at you like monsters and so this too much familiarity makes you blind to angels that this city does nurture, I am here to help you caress those angels, meet them. This act of mine would take the air out of your pride , this familiarity balloon of yours , still you would love as it would make you shine like morning sun”

He whispers to me, "Yes, Let's start from the longest road - shall we?" - I enjoy the mischievous glint in his eyes, and I am ready to be fooled I hear myself telling. “Think as if this LA or New York, and you don’t know how the air smells here, just see how whiff of fresh air flushes you”. So I close my eyes and open them again.

Look we have reached the "red lightS" Yes I am scared, I cling to his arms and end up muttering “we have reached the prohibited end ! - Should we go back now?”
He gives me a gentle dressing down, meant for those whose chirpy voice you adore and I gauge it and give him a fleeting smile. “Shut up, that’s the beginning stupid; we have stopped because I want to show you something on the left. That is Lotus Colony.” He says – “And what is it? Does someone really popular stay here? Doesn’t look like it, this looks such a forlorn place, why those filthy riches would shower their love here? Oh come on tell me, what makes it adored by you? Are you showing me this because some murder or robbery case happened here, a hint of crime is all I can smell here? I am curious, I am damn sure there has been a long tale surreptitiously staring at us. And he says, "NO" But This is Lotus Colony.
I wonder, i can still not figure it out. Why is this place so important? - He says it will be one day. Now that you have seen it, it will be. And he smiles as if he is sharing his treasure with me. It must be something very endearing to him and makes me happy to share few hearty secrets. Hahaha guess I have been invited to be a partner in crime , I bemuse.

I am still persistent; stubbornness is the glue which sticks me to him. “Let me know please, is this where you grew up, looks like a really old place?" He keeps a mum. We are like 10kms away now and the next thing I hear an unrestrained woman screaming and shouting at top of her voice as if she had just discovered some well treasured bounty, yeah woman happened to be me while he enjoyed driving over the flip flop road blocks - The car rocked, I could feel the floor rattle, i was so scared. - HE said, "sush! - get used to rash, Get used to accidents, restrain makes it so waning , just throw caution to winds have faith in me and soar in this blue sky like an eagle"

Accidents - What were you, An accident I suppose.

4th October | some random celebration | Invitation to couple for the first time
I was thrilled for the first time in years someone has invited me because I was to be Mrs........., (The only time I sat this name was on the divorce papers, and the only time I heard someone call it out to me was the Judge) - "So Mrs. Bhattacharya, would you be able to support yourself if husband doesn’t pay for you after the divorce?"

It was an easy "Yes" - easier than saying yes for 2 sugars in your coffee. But I was shivering with pain, anger, guilt, shame... would you have liked to see me like that? - Would you have been proud of me because all that mattered was that I was asking for what I wanted? Bending down to virtues of desires was not wrong and should I feel guilty for that? May be it was speedy but still not worth a ticket thrown in your face as you are held guilty for going too, fast too rash"

Life becomes busy, so busy that we forget if there is enough milk in the fridge for tomorrow’s morning tea. And there Shea plays with the photos on my desk. She arranges them as a jigsaw puzzle. Often the wrong order. And I smile as she takes my life and places them like playing blocks. Is it life nothing but a set of blocks you could play with? Can't I arrange blue with orange and if some day I don’t like the color, Can I not change it to red? -
Shea says, "Whozse thish?" - I say "Shea's best friend"
Really? - For Shea, Really means that Tom and Jerry will not come and eat her cheese.
I smile and say, "Really". Really has this ring of security even little Shea understands, really makes you feel cozy and a faint smile escapes my lips.
Where is my best friend?
I Say, "Lotus Colony"

And the Giant took the toll!

Walls, about 40 or 50 years old walls. Unending, tall as a child I remember thinking of it as a giant. This is what i would associate to as "The Giant" who would come and eat me. Then one night i thought if he would eat me up then where would i go after that. Would i be a brick? or would I become a really tiny part between the bricks.

Years passed by,…

I was dressed as if to embrace that pall of gloom in my arms, and haughtily remembered the old saying "only an irredeemable person sans principle can be complaisant towards grief" but then I won't shed tear, I won't waste the rest of years simmering in the maggot broth of memory, I won't bury myself alive inside these four walls to sew my shroud. No! this is not a gratuitous description and I don't want it to sound like one.

Burning desires cannot be cooled away, suppressing them like an autocrat does not do me any good. I would give no quarter to the ravages of time, let it come and try to storm me as it had done to so many mortals, but heroic determination of mine refuses to budge.

A giant can't be termed a dwarf, time can test me but then let it be disappointed if it feels it can bend them all, not all do fall like nine pins. It stood there glaring in my eye. I tried to stare back at it, barely about to squeak back at it. I geared up all the courage that I had to merely stand there and withstand it size. And it stood there, unchanged, standing on the edge of unnerving time. Devastating downpour of emotions wrecks the most steadied ships, and they crumple under the onslaught of fury and gaze which unnerves them. Even the best protected corners of imagination are blown away by mad winds of desire. The much treasured bounty had just been pinched away, I felt the pinch , tried to shout but all that was visible… was DESIRE, a mirage for delusioned ones.

There was a slight grin on my face. Still trying to avoid a contorted face. Once again I stood at the wall, it was grey, rough, the brick looked warning out to me. And it looks like a typical Mumbai chawl now. And before I knew I was walking on marine lines. It was june, the skies were dark at 4pm, the rain was just about to hit my face, I was getting drenched in emotions, rain, tears, fear BUT this life can not be a damp squib. There's a murmur, I guess it's my own breath. Let them try to squeeze me , press me against blurring memories , I feel overjoyed. I hate to be part of this conspiracy. There's wet sand between eye-lids, it feels like reality being pierced through, poking you just to check if you are alive. No i hate to be brick of a shrinking wall. Individuality thy have lost my dear brick ....

Co written by Ruchir Mishra and Anar